It was those last few moments before consciousness, no more than a few seconds. She could feel herself wanting to move and yet a cacophony of images floated through her head at impossible speed. She could feel them, hear them, smell them….all fleeting glimpses…animals, at least she thought they were animals running in the fields, the smell of fresh bread, children laughing in the distance, a hand moving slowly and softly up the side of her body caressing her breast, the temple floor, walking through the leaves in Autumn, a smile…..a smile…..a SMILE. “Grab it” she thought to herself as she could begin to feel the hard floor beneath her push against her body. “REMEMBER!!!!” she screamed to herself as she begin to see the white edges of her thoughts flood in against the memories and take them over, gone.
She hurt. That was all she could process in her mind right now, she hurt and she was curled up on a carpet in what she hoped was a safe place. She slowly began to uncurl her body from the position that felt as though she had been in for ages. Tenderly, she moved her arms and legs stretching them with care, so as to not hit anything that might be close by. Everything worked. Her fingers stretched and tingled a little as she opened and closed her fist. And almost fearfully she opened her eyes and squinted in the dim light to look at her surroundings. She seemed to be in some kind of shelter, a home perhaps and alone by all that she could see. Gingerly she pushed her weight up onto her elbows and looked around her before bringing herself to a sitting position.
So this was where He had chosen to leave her. She was grateful. She had some memory. It was miniscule and fuzzy at the moment, but she knew that this was not the first time she had “started over” and she was grateful that he had let her begin here. Once she realized her predicament, she always felt all the rest of that, the birth, the childhood, the teen years…etc were a waste and was for nothing more than His own enjoyment. This time, at least He had spared her all that wasted time and she could get on with… What was it again that she was to get on with? Her life, right? Really? Why would He keep bringing her back again to life a life over and over again? Was it a punishment? Was she really an evil, vile creature over which even He had no power? Her head began to pound and she felt nauseous as she closed her eyes and tried to blur out the aching pain that emanated from the left side of her body and think. Just seconds ago it was all flooding before her eyes and now….it was gone. Who was she? WHAT was she? Unthinkingly, she reached up to her chest and wrapped her fingers around a soft smooth object hanging around her neck and rubbed it as she tried to remember. She could feel cracks and crevices in the object and she opened her eyes to see a deep blue stone set in silver hanging tenderly between her breasts with a simple leather rope. It was odd…it almost seemed to glow when she touched it and she found it magical and almost scary at the same time. She squinted her eyes as she brought it closer to her gaze and saw that barely scratching the surface of the stone was a letter engraved, the outline of the letter “L”. Her finger traced the letter. “That’s right! It was…um…my name was….my name IS…” and the thought seemed to trail away, leaving her frustrated. It was SO close and yet unattainable.
She stood to her feet and once she got a steady stance she began to gingerly rub the left side of her body. Wondering how long she had lain in that position on the left side of her body she remembered…was He angry with her? Had He “laid” her there a little more roughly than He should have? No…He would not do that. Would He? No. And then she remembered His voice as tears filled her eyes and ran freely down her cheeks “It has failed. It is over. Your services are no longer needed. Your favor has been repaid in full.” And she could almost feel the repulsion in His grasp as He grabbed her lifeless body before it hit the floor.