I have been following the blog and plurk line of Strawberry Singh for a while now. She has some wonderful tutorials on her blogsite for SL photography, editing, viewer use…AND…a GREAT set of windlight settings that you can download and use (and I DO use them for most of my shoots) along with great fashion and fun. On top of it all, she is a REALLY nice person and genuinely tries to help anyone that has any questions for her.

She recently blogged about where she gets tips for places to go for taking pictures and I was SOOO glad to find that info. It was getting harder and harder to find places to shoot. One of the blogsites that she recommended was “Avatars in Motion”. It has become an invaluable resource for me. All I have to do is go to the “Avatars in Motion” website and take a look at the pictures of the various sims they feature and decide what I want to complete my “look” for the week.

When I finally got “Mauve” together (for the SECOND time….never ask a man for his “professional” opinion unless you REALLY want it!) I decided that I wanted to go somewhere that would be a contrast to the BEAUTIFUL dress and boots that I had recently purchased from Aleida. And so I chose “Pandemonium”.

Pandemonium was “promoted” as being this eery, super scary place. And in all honesty, at the time that it was blogged about, the sim was up for sale. I am not sure if someone bought it and this is the “new” Pandemonium or if the sim was saved before it sold and this is the way it was originally, but one of the first things I noticed, was a sign telling the entire world that me (and my alt) had a script count of 4868752634765952976457 and were probably causing lag in the sim. …… ……. sigh….. ……

Considering that me and my alt were the ONLY two avies on the sim…it was ok….really it was. I did not feel laggy at all. I KNOW that I had a lot of scripts running, but most of them were justifiable considering that I was there to shoot pictures…not attend the hair fair! Given the fact that I am the FIRST person to strip down to NOTHING but my goofy “special” skin with built-in “swimcap” to attend an affair that will be high lag, it just kinda took the “creepy” out of Pandemonium and left me with eepy instead…:/

But once I got over being offended, I took a look around and found some really lovely places to shoot pics. And honestly…the more pics I took..the less “afraid” I was and the more pensive and introspective I became. The last couple of weeks have had both the highest highs and the lowest lows that I have ever experienced in my life. Most of the time it seems that I just walk along…and I have “good days”….and sometimes I have a crappy day, but the last few days have left me on an emotional rollercoaster that CANNOT be good for the soul…or body for that matter.

After taking a few pics out on the “pier” I walked out into the murky water and made my way over to the sofa and began to shoot pics. I looked at “El” sitting on the sofa….all by herself. I could hear the crickets and frogs croaking. I could hear the sounds of love past and wondered how long? How long would I hear those sounds? No one else could hear them. I was alone…not another soul in the entire place. I took the pictures and could FEEL the isolation.

As I lay on the sofa inside the house, I could remember the recent feelings of despair and feeling as though I could honestly lay there all night and not care who or WHAT might find me there. I knew that there was NOTHING they could do to me that could hurt me more than I was already hurting. Even while editing the picture I could see….what to me…looked like a tear at the bottom of El’s eye….and I could not “erase” it. It belonged there.

I wandered across the broken planks and wooden boards to get to the next house, stopping by the one that had the “Crystal ball” in it…and I could FEEL myself start to reach out….to see what it said, before I stopped myself and laughed, knowing that NO ONE….least of all me, knew what the future had to hold and as desperate as I was to have someone tell me….or give me answers….the ones I sought were not to be left to chance…or some virtual crystal ball.

Across the way, I could see another run down building and upon entering it I saw a mattress thrown on the floor. I gently laid down on it and looked out the window to the moon shining bright in the sky, and I could remember the soft embrace of my love. My mind wandered off to happy times with him, as my hands roamed idly over my body. I could still taste him in my mouth. I could feel his hand on my breast as his tongue probed deep inside me. And I could feel my body respond….to nothing more than the remembrance of love now spent.

After a while, I made it back to where I had started, I had come full circle….and I was no longer offended by the “lag notifier”. I closed my eyes and remembered….all the good things. I could feel the happiness and love pour over me as I remembered the price that had been paid for such love…and was being paid still. Love that was freely given….love eternal.

And so it was that I left that place, my mind awash with questions but with no real uncertainty. Perhaps that is what happens when pandemonium ends. When you have run through the forrest alone and screamed and cried in fear and every evil that has ever buried itself in your soul surfaces for you to confront; THEN you can look them in the eye….take the hand of your creator….and put each one in its proper place. You don’t have all the answers, but you are not alone. And together you find the answers you seek. It is not always easy. The answers may not be the ones we expected. But we find them….one at a time….until at last….pandemonium gives way to peace.

STYLING NOTES:

Outfit including hat: Aleida and only available til June 30th.  After that the store will be closed.
Shoes: Aleida
Skin: Style by Kira
Hair: ChiChikie
Jewelry: Finesmith Designs
Nails: Logo & Kin
Eyes: Fashism
Lashes: Ema’s Secret
Poses (standing only): Posie’s
Location: Pandemonium