Good Morning, my angel. I hope the morning finds you feeling better and without much of a headache. It is not fair you know…*I* am the only one allowed a headache! I worry about you, love, when you do not feel well. BOTH of us cannot be under the weather, it is simply not allowed! And since I seem to be that way most of the time…it must mean that you CANNOT!

You are so kind and gentle to me, love when I don’t feel well. Trust me, it is not overlooked simply because I am sick. Your tender mercies are always appreciated. I hope that I will not require them too much. You give them so freely and so willingly…and many times, when I am alone in the bed, not feeling my best…I look for them…your kind touch…your soft words…the love that I feel coming from your heart…and it comforts me. I will be looking for those things as I venture to the dentist again tomorrow. I hope I will be able to feel you there with me. I am NOT looking forward to it…so…REMEMBER me!

I wish I knew WHY it was so much easier for me to write things than to say them…but it is. There is something I have been wanting to tell you, love that I have just not seemed to be able to get out…so perhaps I can tell you here. I know we briefly discussed being “neutral”…and how we BOTH try to play that role when dealing with certain issues concerning the other. And while I suppose that is a good thing…and something that I view as a necessary role on my part…it is something that I both need and don’t need from you.

I LOVE the fact that you CAN be neutral…and I can talk to you about ANYTHING and know that I can get an “unbiased” opinion. It helps me to know that you are “fair and balanced” and I can trust your sentiments. At the same time…there is something inside me that NEEDS to hear YOUR heart. Something that NEEDS to know what YOU want…how YOU feel..what is important to YOU. It makes me feel foolish and needy to ask…for I SHOULD know those things…I just never tire of hearing them, love. And while I KNOW that you need to feel that the decisions I make are all my own…and they ARE…I STILL need to know how you feel. I NEED to feel “claimed” even when discussing those things. If the things I share with you make you feel angry…or disgusted…or sad for me….I need to hear that. I need to know that. There are many things you share with me…and that you tell me…that I have the RIGHT to those things…as your wife. And so…you have the RIGHT to feel those things….as my husband…you have that right….and I NEED you to feel them…it lets me know that I am not wrong for feeling them too.

I know that our circumstances are VASTLY different…and so I HAVE to be neutral…I have to be that way for you…and especially for me. I cannot afford to let “me” go into places that it has no business. But it is not so with you…I am giving you permission to be biased. And you do not need to feel awkward or selfish in that regard. I am giving you that “right”….please take it, love. Just as I am allowed to be happy…you are allowed to claim me…and that includes all the feelings that go along with that. For so long, we have HAD to be neutral…HAD to step aside and watch as things played out…no more for you, love. You do not have to do that anymore…

I AM yours…ALL yours…now and forever….D