Happy Father’s Day, love! I wish I could be there to give you a big kiss. It is my hope, love…that this will be the last Father’s Day that I will be separated from you. It is my desire to spend every Father’s Day with you for the rest of my life,….even though…in this life…we have no children together. I guess I will never know why, in this life we were not allowed that. I know you told me once that God only knows how many times we have been married and how many children we have had…and that brought me so much comfort. I KNOW we began our lives together…but I have no idea how we became separated…so I like to think…that in one of our lives….we had the “dream”. We met in High School…maybe even before that…perhaps our parents were friends and we played together as children. I love to think of the things we might of done and the places our imaginations might have taken us, the games we might have invented.

I can imagine watching you in high school, the young, quiet, redheaded rebel, finding myself intrigued by your mind and your lack of conformity. I can imagine kissing you for the first time…feeling your soft lips on mine, your trembling hands on my body as we both went places we had never been before. I would know instantly that you were the one I was created for and that I would never need another. We would find a way to go to the same college…maybe even living together as we worked our way through school…and while all our other friends would find love and lose love, we would remain strong…managing to work through our few differences and find a way to rise above the drama that this world affords. We would sit back and watch as those around us struggled for fame and fortune and we would simply lie in each other’s arms…knowing that we had found the one thing that was most important in our lives…each other. We would collaborate on wild stories…living many of them…and you would play the guitar and sing to me…as I would quietly sing along and look into your soft brown eyes.

As time passed and friends and family asked, we decided that yes, perhaps we should get married. It is not that it would change anything between us, but perhaps it would make things easier for the world around us. We both knew that we would be together forever…and so we would take the plunge. We would not have the big wedding with the white dress and all the fuss….we would simply elope one weekend…I, in a nice simple dress and you in a nice simple suit…simple rings…but we would each write something to say to one another…a reaffirmation of the things that we KNEW but seldom said. We would go away to a quiet place…somewhere with lots of trees and flowers…secluded…as we consummated our “marriage” over and over, wishing that we did not have to return to “real life”. But eventually, we would return to our small apartment and continue the life we had begun. You would finish school and I almost would, before discovering that I was going to give you a child, a life…that we had created. You cried when I told you…afraid and unsure that you would know what to do…and I would comfort you and tell you that I would help you…together we could do it. You were frightened as you watched my belly grow and almost felt afraid to touch me…and I would gently grab your hand and place it on my tummy….MAKING you feel the life that you had given me. I woke you in the middle of the night when I first felt the baby kick…and knew instantly that it would be a girl. You laughed at me and thought I must be crazy, but before long, you could feel her kick too. She always seemed to respond to your touch…kicking everytime you touched my tummy. You were in awe as you watched her move…my belly twisting and turning…and became afraid to “love” me. I would gently take your hand and guide you…as I assured you that she would WANT her mommy and daddy to love one another…that it was ok…you were not going to hurt her…or me. It was natural. As my belly grew and my back ached you would have me lie with you on the sofa, rubbing my swollen feet…and I would pull up my shirt to let you watch her move. You would often grab your guitar…and serenade the both of us as you watched me fall to sleep, the life we created still moving and turning.

Just about the time you were sure I could not possibly get any larger, I awoke you early one morning to tell you that I was sure I was in labor. You looked at the fear on my face as you jumped from the bed and grabbed the bag you had helped me pack. You felt yourself tremble a little as you realized that the two of us were really going to become three. The trip to the hospital was hard for you as you watched my fact twist in pain and reminded me to relax and breath as you watch my belly grow harder with each contraction, my water breaking just as I made it to the maternity ward.

The pain was the greatest I had ever felt and I looked up at you with a begging in my eyes to make it quit. You looked at me nervously…looking around the room…feeling almost a panic come over you, before you took my hand and brought it to your mouth, kissing it gently…telling me it would be ok. You pushed my hair back from my sweaty brow as you watched my body take over and start to expel the life that had resided inside me for all these months. The doctor made it to the delivery room just in time to deliver a chubby little baby girl with red, curly hair and blue green eyes into your arms. You nervously held her looking into her little face and smiling as you pulled the blanket back to make sure she had all 10 toes and 10 fingers. You brought her over to me and watched as I took her from your arms and put her to my breast. She was SO hungry! You kissed my forehead tenderly as you told me how proud you were of me and how much you loved me, as you watched our firstborn quietly nurse.

As time passed, I watched…as you became the father you were meant to be. It was not always easy. We had our share of difficulties…illnesses…financial fears…and yes, occasionally the disagreement that could not easily be resolved. But one thing was certain…we knew that we were always going to be together and that although we loved our children beyond all reason, we knew that one day they would be gone…and it would be just the two of us once again. I was careful to make sure that the embers that always ran through us never went out…and that when our children did grow up and move away, we would simply take up where we left off…loving, living, dreaming. We were older, our bodies not the firm physical beauty they had once been. Our hair was gray…or gone…and our eyes were not as accurate as they had once been. It was not unusual to wake up with aches and pains, but we would always wake up together, grateful for each day and the time we had been given.

Once, each year, we would return to the quiet get away we had found when we first married. The trees were bigger and older now, the rooms not as bright and shiny as they used to be, but the love we shared, even all the years later….was still as bright and vibrant as it had been the day we formally declared our love to one another.

I know that this is just a “dream”, love…but I feel certain that if it has not happened…it will…He will allow it. And the pain and tears that I feel now at not being able to give this to you, will be quieted. It will be the way it should be…and the story will go on. I know that not all of our lives will be easy ones…the only easy thing about it, is our love…and that never changes, my prince….so…in honor of the children we have had…and all the ones yet to come….Happy Father’s Day!

Forever your wife….immer, mien Liebster…..D