My sweet, precious…MOST coveted husband,
I know we have discussed this ad nauseum….and I don’t mean to go on and on about things that are already dead and gone. You know that is not my nature and you KNOW that I am not prone to and really detest “drama”.
We have shared many, many things that most couples never broach. We share dreams and fantasies that most would, at the very least deem “forbidden”. I know that in doing that, I have developed a trust in you that I have seldom found with others. I hope it has been the same for you. I hope you KNOW that you can trust me and that there are not many things that you can say or ask that will offend me. It is quite a surprise then that your unthoughted comment said in jest would incite such a response from me.
I can only imagine your confusion and can almost see your face as you told me you were confused. I still feel bad about making you feel that way. I TRY to be a “logical” female…but you MUST know that is NOT an easy feat! I hope that my response will not stop you from “playing” with me and most of all I hope NOTHING ever causes you to be fearful of sharing your thoughts or feelings with me. Even though I initially responded out of character, we quickly got things back on track and discovered some things about ourselves and our relationship that may be helpful down the road.
[2010/05/02 6:49] Vanish Firecaster: I hate feeling off track with you, though.
El Firecaster: yes, me too…more than ANYTHING! I lived that way TOO long!
Vanish Firecaster: Yes. It’s just vital to me. I can’t be like that.
El Firecaster: No…..me either. I NEED you!
Vanish Firecaster smiles…For all my stupidity?
El Firecaster smiles softly at him. I KNOW you meant nothing by it, love….I don’t know WHY I let it bother me….I TRY not to be overly selfish with you…..but I AM covetous of you!
Vanish Firecaster: It’s alright to be selfish with me. That’s your bloody right…And I’m not being anyone elses.
[El Firecaster: Yes, baby. I know.
El Firecaster kisses him softly….whispers in his ear…
El Firecaster: MINE
Vanish Firecaster smiles….Yes….kisses her.
El Firecaster rests her head gently on his shoulder.
Vanish Firecaster breathes deeply.
El Firecaster reaches up to caress his face softly…letting her fingertips trace his features…SO pretty!
Vanish Firecaster: I’m so in love with you, *****. Don’t forget that….with YOU…with you…Not even with El.
El Firecaster smiles contentedly.
El Firecaster: I could take her on if I had to!
El Firecaster giggles
Vanish Firecaster: Mmmh. You don’t even have to. There is nothing and no one you need to fight.
El Firecaster looks at him.
Vanish Firecaster smiles.
El Firecaster: no one?
Vanish Firecaster: No one.
Thank you, love for giving me the “right” to be selfish with you. It meant so much to me when you said that. I know many couples play “games” and try to make each other jealous for whatever reason. I don’t ever want to do that with you. I want our feelings to be true and genuine, never contrived. SO….while I try hard not to be the jealous type…because I KNOW I have your heart…there may still be times that I will be selfish with you. Thank you for recognizing that. I promise I will not use it unduly and you TOO have that same right. I do not now, nor ever will want to be with anyone but you. Yes…I DO belong to you…only you…and you have that RIGHT to be covetous with me. And thank you for once again reminding me that you love ME, not the pixels on a screen, but ME with all my faults and wrinkles and rolls. And while I see “me” as El…I KNOW that when you see El…you see ME and you will never, ever know what that means to me.
Forgive me love, for having put you through such an ordeal and thank you for loving me through it and not clamming up or pushing me away. Thank you for pushing THRU….for MAKING me see, once again, who we are…and have always been. Silly girl that I am! How could I EVER for a MOMENT think that you would ever take “us” so frivolously. I KNOW what you have gone through to find me and all that you sacrifice daily to be with me.
I know there will be many more strangers that wander into our house over the years. I am grateful that I never have to worry about them wandering into our hearts…..I will follow you down, love….I promise.
Forever yours…D
