Good morning my precious lover.  I hope you had a peaceful rest and that your first day back at work will be an easy one.  Yes…I missed you, but I am glad you rested and am so looking forward to seeing you this evening.  Until then….

[2010/04/25 5:27]  El Firecaster: I love you…. Thank you for coming here with me.

Vanish Firecaster smiles… Tsss, please, love, you don’t have to thank me for that.  I like it.

El Firecaster: Even if you prance around in the flowers?

Vanish Firecaster: Mmmh.  Well, they are quite tall, huh?

El Firecaster: Yes… giggles… I feel hidden!

Vanish Firecaster: Mmmh.  Quite comfortable for you, huh?

El Firecaster nods… yes, actually!  No better place to hide than in flowers!  Roses even!

Vanish Firecaster laughs.

El Firecaster: I LOVE roses!

Vanish Firecaster: Yeah.  Mmmh.  Didn’t you say you love lilacs?

El Firecaster: Oh yes!  They are my favorite outdoor bush…. but I love roses for cut flowers.

Vanish Firecaster: Mmmh.  Okay.

El Firecaster: I love ALL flowers actually….

Vanish Firecaster: Which ones?

El Firecaster: Which ones?

Vanish Firecaster: Yes, which roses?

El Firecaster: The pretty kind?… hahaahah

Vanish Firecaster: MMh.  Do they have colours?

El Firecaster: Yes… giggles…

Vanish Firecaster: Well, good!…WHICH?

El Firecaster: I guess I am really partial to pinks….a deep pink…. but I like them ALL….

Vanish Firecaster: MMMh.  Okay.

El Firecaster: They are SO pretty!  I got some one time that were a dusty pink….almost lilac colored… they were SO pretty!

Vanish Firecaster smiles.

When you asked me this question, I had to really stop and think about it. Do you know that in the MANY years that I was in a committed relationship, that question was never asked of me?  The first thing I wanted to say when you asked was “Any kind I can get!”.  It was not often that I got flowers, and especially not roses, as they tend to be more expensive than the others.  I did on occasion get them from the market…I can only once remember getting them from an actual florist, and even then, there were only 3 of them!  But I was quite happy with that!  I often thought about buying them myself, but they just seemed to lose some of their charm that way.  Of course, I knew they cost money that we did not have, but you could still get a dozen at the grocer for less than $10.  I tried to tell myself it did not matter…and I guess in the end it did not.  But I think there may be LOTS of things that did not matter for a long time, that may matter now…so I may have to really THINK about what some of MY preferences are and realize that you do not always just have to take what you are given. 

I am SO grateful to have the opportunity to do that and to share my life with you,love.  I spent quite a bit of my evening reading over the case you told me of, regarding the woman who had been in SL for years and died unexpectedly.  It was quite sad to read over…and as someone who has spent most of her adult life in the medical profession, I would have to agree with the coroner.  Unfortunately, I think it was just her “TIME” to go.  There were many factors that surely played a role in her death, her age, weight, ethnicity, and prior health problems among the greatest.  I DON’T think she tried to “off” herself, although I think there may be SOME credence to the role that a possible “broken heart” may have played.  IF it was true that she recently had experienced such pain, then I can certainly attest to the havoc that can wreak on a body as I watch my hair fall out (and grow back, thank God!) each day.  It certainly was enough to cause her to cancel her SL accounts and seek solace elsewhere.  I have a feeling, in time, she would have been back, perhaps even better than before and ready to try once again, to find “the one”.  I HATE it that her family has lost her, and even more yet, that they STILL do not understand what an important role the internet and virtual living played in her life.  All that is seen is the sadness that was gleaned from it, not the YEARS of happiness, acceptance and validation that she found.  I did not know her personally and unfortunately, will most likely never have the pleasure, but from the many postings I have read from people that DID know her intimately, it lets me know how much she was loved and will be missed.  You can almost “hear” it in their postings regarding her.  What she did while she was here did not die with her, it still lives. 

She was not a “content creator” that I know of, it seems like her forte was the ability to listen and put her thoughts into words that would strike a chord in the public, be that good or bad.  She did not seem to let fear intimidate her and she was admired for it.  People have taken the time to write about her and the impact she made on their lives and to post it for EVERYONE to be touched, including you and me.  I have a feeling no one will do that for me when I am gone….but I wonder if while she was living she KNEW the legacy she was creating?  I wonder if she felt like all that she had said and done amounted to nothing?  I wonder if when she cancelled her accounts, she felt like everything that she had ever done in SL was worthless…she certainly had nothing that she could hold on to, to show for it.

I thought of the content creator that I shared with you…the one that gave all her stuff away for free and I wondered…should I write her a notecard to tell her how much I appreciated her?  I wish that I had the money to pay her what she is worth, but I have a feeling, that much like someone else I know…she would not want it anyway.  All she wants is to create and share it with others.  But I guess it would not hurt for me to let her know that she is appreciated, otherwise she will never know my name and how HAPPY I am that she chose to share her creations with me.  She will most likely NEVER see all the people that *I* saw in her shops while I was there looking at her things.  I would have never even known of her had she not joined a group that sent out notices to its’ members. 

I thought of the beautiful pieces of “art” we looked at and read about…and how they touched you.  They were truly beautiful…but as I read thru them more and more…I became less and less impressed.  It seemed that he was only moved by one lascivious tryst to the next.  *I* will be the first one to stand and line and sing of the beauty of a woman’s body.  You and I have TOGETHER admired them and found them to be lovely.  I will be happy to tell you that I personally think a man’s naked body is godlike and LOVE to look upon it.  The thoughts of that can certainly move me and perhaps had *I* been his muse I would feel differently…but all I could think about once he bothered to mention her, was his wife and the agony those “creations” must have brought her.  If you notice, she is not on his profile.  Maybe she never was, but I would have a tendency to think that more likely than not, she could not live with the toll that his “creating” took on their relationship.  And so…that in itself, makes it of very little worth to me.

I am sure my point of view is not held by many, and everyone is certainly entitled to their own, but I would MUCH rather “create lives” than pixels if it meant doing one to the exclusion of the other.  I am grateful that you do not do that, love.  I am just afraid that you may never realize the impact your creations make on others and hope that you will be able to find a peace with that.  If for nothing else, please create because *I* love it.  And while I am certainly NOT the “public at large”…I have forever been, am now and always will be your adoring wife…D