She didn’t know what it was about the Gardens that comforted her. The only place she found more solace was in his arms. She knew that it was her fault that he did not appreciate them the way she did…and she hated that. She did SO want to share them with him…but the very Gardens that seemed to bring her such joy and comfort in times of sorrow and confusion, brought pain to him for that very reason. She walked through the trees and flowers, taking time to sit on the leaves and admire the beautiful colors and sounds. She found herself wanting to curl up in a ball and remembered feeling that way earlier when she had been with him.
So many questions and emotions flooded her. Why was she SO afraid…of EVERYTHING it seemed? She had spent her whole life telling others not to be afraid and it was SHE that was fearful. It felt like fear RULED her life and she could not figure out why or how it had happened. It had not always been so. There HAD been a time that she was carefree and felt loved and feared nothing. What happened that changed it all? Was it one singular event or was it an accumulation of small happenings under a scrutinizing eye?
He had behaved PERFECTLY…it was exactly what she had wanted and hoped for and yet she still questioned it. Perhaps it was her inability to believe. She could not comprehend some of the things he told her. They seemed impossible…nothing more than a beautiful dream. And yet she KNEW that she NEEDED to believe him…it was essential to HIS growth and well being…and to THEIR progression. She was trying…she was desperately trying…and she hoped that he could see that. She hoped that he KNEW how important it was to her…and she hoped that he could be patient with her while she answered the questions that plagued her soul.
She had known it was coming… it was after all a natural progression. And it begged the question…what next? She knew the answer and while it thrilled her beyond belief it also shook her to the core. SO MANY conflicting emotions always combined with questions. But a FEW things she did know. She knew she loved him beyond reason. She knew she saw a future with him and she knew that his love was healing her…and she would NOT stand in the way.
She took a deep breath and a last look at the beautiful flowers surrounding her. It was him that her thoughts drifted towards. It was what he said and the way he looked at her that she would hold onto. She would not be overwhelmed or defeated. She would let his love fill in the holes that had been burned in her brain. She would let him heal her. She would not fight it anymore. She was his, all his and she would learn, she would grow, she would not let her fears over take her. With his love, she would overcome.
