I wish I could adequately express my feelings to you, love. I tried earlier…and did such a poor job. It seems all I can do is CRY when I try to tell you what you mean to me and what a difference you have made in my life. And then I cannot talk…and I forget what I want to say…and all the wonderful things that are floating around inside my head get lost. I am SO glad that I have a way to document all that here…and I can CRY as I type…and then go on…and no one knows the difference!

I have always ATTEMPTED to know myself fairly well. I have always considered it to be a top priority. And while I feel like I did a fair job of it, I am beginning to find, that many…many things I did and sometimes still do are nothing more than a learned “knee-jerk” response. And I HATE that…but at least….I have finally seen them for what they are. I feel fairly certain that would have never happened had you not appeared in my life! There are SOOOO many things you have taught me about myself, love. Things that NO ONE has taught me before. I can still hear the unremarkable tone in your voice when you said “It is just the way I see you!” Oh My God! As though it is not amazing enough that YOU can see me and know me better than anyone on this planet…the fact that it IS just the way you see me, means more to me than you can possibly know.

I will have to admit, that sometimes….just sometimes…I wonder if the things you say to me are said because you know I NEED to hear them. You KNOW that most of my life has been spent thinking of and caring for others, with very little attention to myself. And when there was attention paid to me, it usually was not the kind of attention that produced positive results. And so SOMETIMES I can’t help but wonder if you say the things you say because you know I need to hear them for positive reinforcement. Not that that is a bad thing…or that your comments are any less appreciated. They DO help me to see myself in a positive light and are always just what I need to hear. But to know…that the things you say to me about myself are said because that is TRULY just the way you see me….WOW…..that is amazing! That in and of itself is life changing to me, love!

I wish YOU could see YOU the way I do! For you to say….”Oh…come on….I am not the Beatles and you are not a 14 year old fan!” shows me that you STILL don’t get it! Are you kidding me? NO…you are not the Beatles and I am NOT 14….It is FAR, FAR GREATER than that! At least in MY life it is! I know that our love will not transform the music industry…or cause young girls to scream and faint, but it is the SINGLE GREATEST accomplishment of my life!

I have stood on a stage in front of thousands of people and sang beautiful songs. I have read poetry written by the great poets for others to judge and have been deemed superior to many others. I have been on TV and have had my voice and my face recorded for all to see. I have sat back and watched the sound of my voice grace the memory of many a young girl as she grew up and finally asked me to sing for her wedding. I have had many honors, accomplishments and compliments bestowed upon me. But NEVER in all my life has ANYTHING impacted me with the force that our love has bestowed upon me.

It has taken me from the depths of the greatest despair to the highest mountain top of hope. It has reached into the deep dark caverns of my soul and retrieved the young girl that had been left, hiding there. It has nourished her and caused her to grow and flourish and realize her dreams. It has grown exponentially day by day restoring my mind and body. It has changed my world and made it a place I want to live. And it has allowed me to finally become the woman that I have alluded to all my life. And now to have one of the final dreams of my life fulfilled….how can you blame me for feeling like I cannot eat or sleep with anticipation? I am hoping I will still be able to breath! Even once we had found one another, I had succumbed to the fact that while our love was better than any other I had ever known and was enough to change my life, I would have to be content with the fact that it would never be anything more than a virtual love. And while it was more real than anything I had never known…it would never be a reality in the “real world”.

That was one of the last vestiges of despair that roamed the corridors of my heart. And while it was TERRIBLY painful and brought tears to my eyes on a daily basis, I had determined that I would NOT let it ruin the love that we had found and that even with strict limitations it was still more than I had ever hoped for. In less than 3 weeks that painful fact will be forever erased. That dream will no longer be one that is dreamt in my sleep…it will be a living, waking, WONDERFUL dream come true. SO if it makes me act like a teenager worshipping the greatest thing to ever happen in music…then so be it. It is only me, your wife, worshipping the greatest thing to ever play a chord in her heart….you, my love. May the song NEVER end.

Immer…..D