Despite her present illness, it had been a good day. She DID feel some better and was basically pleased with her visit to the doctor, feeling certain that the meds she had been given would be sufficient to get her through this tough spot. She had a nice meal with her friend and had watched both new and old movies with her laughing and talking as they did so. It was a nice “girls” night. She was grateful for a cool room and grateful for the thought of getting to see her family soon. She felt good about the way she had left her partner the night before, confidant that he would keep his word, and that when they met once more SOME of his frustrations would be eased. She thought of the words he had said to her on more than one occasion…and just as he often wondered what was really going thru her head when she said or did certain things…she too wondered what had recently prompted the words:

[2010/06/11 17:08] Vanish Firecaster: Promise me something?

[2010/06/11 17:08] El Firecaster: of course.

[2010/06/11 17:08] Vanish Firecaster: Please take care of yourself.

[2010/06/11 17:08] Vanish Firecaster: I need you.

[2010/06/11 17:09] El Firecaster nods.

[2010/06/11 17:09] El Firecaster: I promise I will. I need you TOO baby.

She did not know if he was really aware of what those words meant to her. She wondered if he KNEW what the reality of it had done for her. She had not told him of her recent thoughts and how that she knew that it was IMPORTANT to take care of herself for him. That indeed, he needed her. A year ago she would not have cared and would have actually welcomed the thoughts of leaving this world. And now…a year later…her world had turned upside down. She had not told him of her recent foggy dreams and how that she could not recall all the details, but that once again she had decided in the dream that she was NOT going to let outside forces control or dominate her…she WAS in control and she would NOT let anything…or anyone take that from her.

And it was as she sat at the table tonight that she realized how much she had changed. It was almost an epiphany for her. It was a change she briefly questioned and she had recently done things that she never would have done before. But she realized that her return to his arms was “survival” for her. It was not perfect, it was not the way others would have done it, it was not even the way that she would have ever dreamed of…but she realized she would lie, steal, cheat, beg, borrow and bleed to get to him….whatever it took. It was THE thing in her life. She tried to be patient, she tried to plan it carefully, but she knew in her heart of hearts…that it was the one thing in her life of utmost importance, next to their relationship itself…and she felt this was a vital part of it. She HAD to return to him. It was “appointed”…and just as in her dreams she would let NOTHING stop her….in her real life….she would let NOTHING stop her. He felt the urgency too and she knew it…it grew stronger each day. And she knew it was just a matter of time…and she prayed that her sometime rival….would find a way to befriend her…and once and for all cut short their separation and allow them to return to the state from whence they had came….joined, together and whole at last.

I wait with baited breath for that day, love…..until then…

I am forever your adoring wife and personal…:)…slave…D