[2010/05/29 5:21] Vanish Firecaster: Maybe I’m naive, but I believe that many things will get better when you’re here.
El Firecaster: I hope so. It is totally selfish on my part….I know that…but I sometimes think that at least…
Vanish Firecaster: Hm?
El Firecaster: I will not be alone..I do fine here most of the time…I mean…I know we do the best we can..
Vanish Firecaster: Yes.
El Firecaster: and technically…I am not “alone”. But when I am SO sick…it really feels that way. It makes it harder for me.
Vanish Firecaster: It is not selfish at all.
El Firecaster: I think of all the people in the world that really ARE alone..and it just makes me feel selfish and a little like a baby…that I seem to take it so hard.
Vanish Firecaster: Come on. Just because someone else is worse than you doesn’t mean you can’t wish for something more.
El Firecaster smiles
El Firecaster: I suppose. I just try to be grateful for what I DO have.
El Firecaster smiles and kisses him.
Vanish Firecaster smiles.
Vanish Firecaster: We are incomplete. And it’s not selfish on your part. We just need to be together..
El Firecaster: yes.
El Firecaster closes her eyes and holds him close.
Vanish Firecaster: There’s nothing wrong with that.
El Firecaster caresses his face.
El Firecaster: I love you SO much, baby. I hope you know that.
Vanish Firecaster: I love you too, ***. Yes, I know.
El Firecaster smiles and kisses him gently.
Vanish Firecaster rocks her gently in his arms.
I thought a lot about this conversation, love. As is usually the case, you have seen it WAY before I ever have. I have known that the “great loneness” has been gone ever since I found you. And that in itself has been so wonderful. I have felt the amazing wonder of what it feels like to know that the one I was made for has found me. I have basked in the sunlight of your love and have grown and flourished. I have changed and am becoming the person I was meant to be. I am learning how to deal with my past and all that entails. There are SO many WONDERFUL things I have experienced since I have found you. But I could never quite put my finger on the one thing that was tugging at me. There was SOMETHING that just kept gnawing at me, deep inside and I could not figure it out…and you have known all along. I have heard you say it…but it never REALLY made sense to me…and now I know…it is being “incomplete”. We are found. We KNOW who we are and what we mean to each other, but until we can finalize that…we are incomplete. It leaves me feeling like there is still something…just a vague feeling that leaves me unsettled….and that is it. We are incomplete. Thank you, love for seeing this way before I did. Thank you for taking steps to rectify it and thank you for loving me the way you do. Perhaps I have seen it to, and just did not KNOW what it really was. I told you that I often think that once I SEE you…once I FEEL you…I will be able to do all the things that seem so hard for me now…perhaps it is that idea of being complete that makes it so?
All I know is that I will wait patiently. I will look forward to the time, love…that at last…”we” will be as we are supposed to be and all that has been wronged…will be right. Until then, love…I will love you to the very best of my ability as we are….may you always find it pleasing….
Your loving wife….D
