She closed her eyes and waited. It HAD to be the most horrible sound on the planet, the sound that the program made when it ended her call with him. She always felt like it was a knife stabbing her in the side. If he was not watching she would close her eyes and scrunch her face up and wait for it…kind of like a kid does when waiting for an injection that he knows is coming and is useless to fight…hoping that in some way, closing his eyes and making the face will make it hurt less. But the pain still comes. And she could not help but feel a tear fall down the side of her face as she sat there and looked at the blank computer screen. She had spent so much time with him talking of silly things. Now the time could not be regained and it had left too soon…before she had noticed.
She could still remember his face looking back at her the day before…soooo beautiful. It was not hard to see the love in his eyes. It was common for her to respond to the traditional “I love you”’s with “I love you more.” when other people said it to her. And although it was just a response, she kind of meant it. And on occasion when he had said it to her…it had almost come out of her mouth…just as a natural response…but she always stopped before uttering the words…because she could not say it with any certainty. She KNEW that he loved her with the same love she had for him. She KNEW that he loved her with all of his being. It was not less than hers…it was not more…it was equal..it WAS hers.
She closed her eyes again and remembered watching his mouth as it moved when he spoke…the way his hand rested against his head…his long fingers and his soft lips. Her heart ached as she wondered if she would EVER feel those lips against hers….those hands running up and down her body. And then she remembered that in 9 days….she would indeed. Every dream….every stolen pleasure….every desire…would be hers….and more. Time seemed to stand still and every night as she closed her eyes and TRIED to dream of him as all she could do was lay in the bed and feel her body tremble in anticipation. The terrible aching she felt in her body…WAS it her body ACHING for him….NEEDING to return home…unable to stand being apart from him ONE moment longer?
She had often wondered when babies were still inside their mothers did they KNOW when it was time to come out? Did THEY determine when “the show” would begin…and if so…were they scared, nervous? That is almost what she felt like…like she could not STAND to be kept “inside” one moment longer…she was ready! She WANTED her life to begin as it should be. She was ready for whatever would come. She was ready to sever all ties of her previous life….and let her new one begin.
9 days love…..D
