El Firecaster

Fire from Within

Nothing is Ever Lost

Posted By on June 21, 2010 in All, Tracked Daily | 0 comments

She wanted to cry as she realized her beloved Gardens…were gone. Where would she go for comfort? What would she do to console herself? She looked for a new spot of consolation. It was nice, not the Gardens, but nice. The rain poured…and the lightening crackled in the distance, bringing back the way it felt in the beginning at Jenner….gone. Jenner was gone. She tried to console herself with the fact that HE had wanted a new place that was THEIRS…no one elses…but Jenner….it would always be the shores of time for her….and it was gone. She thought of her past…all that she had invested in…all that she had created….gone. “Let me love, you ***”….she could still hear the words…still feel the way it made her feel every time he said it. “I need you, *****” Her mind wandered to their earlier conversation and she wondered how he had felt when she told him that she would never want to be a burden to him. She could hear the near panic in his voice as he spoke to her and she felt guilty for even HINTING at it, but he had to know she felt that way. As hard as she tried not to, she could not seem to help it. But each time he told her…”Let me love you ***” it melted her heart and her mind…and she knew…that yes….she would.

He was such a different creature than that to which she was familiar. She always felt bad when he would tell her “Imagine if the situation were reversed. How would you feel?” and she never hesitated…never doubted one INSTANT how she would feel or what she would do. But she had never met anyone that loved like that other than herself. But here he was….”the other”. It was foreign to her…and yet SO familiar! How could she deny him ANYTHING? She knew that ALL of her belonged to him…every cell in her body was his. And as much as she could not understand his need to see her…she knew that it was futile to fight it. She was his…she had been claimed…and she was rightfully his. And gladly so. His words the last few days had been particularly comforting. To hear him say how much he needed her, how he longed to hold her and smell her and touch her…those words MOVED her. She could hear the urgency in his voice as he told her they needed to finish up the few things standing in the way of their being together so that they could at last be complete.

She wandered around in her new settings until she walked out of the rain and into the light. It was lovely here. Perhaps he would visit it with her. She winced as she remembered how he refused to go to the Gardens with her…and she knew it was her fault. Perhaps he would enjoy this with her now. The Gardens PALED in comparison to the comfort that his arms brought to her. And Jenner…well…it was not the land that she longed for…it was the memory of their first few days together…it was him. And well…HE was more HERE now than ever. And her past…well…it was just that…the past…and he was her future. She could hear his voice once more…”Nothing is ever lost.”…he was right. All the things that she cherished and loved would always live in her…they were not gone…just in a different place. And she was in the place she needed to be now. Nothing is ever lost…and she was truly…found.

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