Good Morning, love      

It seems that though our usual “plans” may be different… my body is telling me otherwise….and so here I sit at the “usual time” thinking of you.  I went back through our many pictures looking for the very first one….and was unsure.  I found the ones I took of myself for the stories….but of you and I….I have few.  And I wondered why?  And then I happened to think…in RL…I take few pictures.  It has always been a sad thing for me.  I had made a decision not to chronicle my life with pictures.  I started to in the beginning….and then things just got too painful….and somewhere deep inside me, I decided that I simply wouldn’t do it.  “Good times” never seemed to last long…..it was almost as if you jinxed them by taking pictures.  And the few that you did take, had fake smiles and fake happiness portrayed.   Any memories I had would be held deep inside, but would never be made for everyone to see, they simply hurt too much. 

As I looked for pictures here, I realized it must have been the same in the beginning.  I was too afraid.  I did not want to have a bunch of pictures of something that was just a silly fantasy….or something that was never meant to be.  I was SO afraid that it would be the same and that the pictures would only serve, as always, to remind me of the longing.  But the more we walked together the more I came to the conclusion that the longing was gone!  For the first time EVER!

As the days went by and the “fog” lifted….I could see this WAS different.  This was not going to slip thru my fingers, this WAS real, this did not hurt like the others…I didn’t have to be afraid.  And now I have hundreds of pictures.  There is seldom a time that we are together that I don’t chronicle it with pictures.  I know I do not have to be afraid.  I am happy and PROUD to take them. 

And so looking back, this is ONE of the first ones I took…two comets blazing……when you came in with these skins and these outfits and when YOU thought to go back here and do what we had wanted to do all along and had been too afraid to let ourselves, I think THAT was the moment.  THAT was when I knew it would be ok.  You WERE me and I WAS you and we were inseparable.  We could not be separated by time or space.  Nothing was too big for us.  The past, was just that….gone.  And the future….well…it always HAS been ours, NO?

[2010/03/01 2:51]  El Firecaster: God ***…you are everything I have EVER wanted or needed

Vanish Firecaster smiles softly.   So are you, ***.

El Firecaster reaches up to caress his face. Looking at his lips… remembering them… touching them gently …. SO pretty!

Vanish Firecaster: Just think of it.

El Firecaster pulls his shirt up and kisses his abdomen

Vanish Firecaster: We are of the two most rare of the psychological types.  There’s less than one in a hundred for each of us.

El Firecaster: oh MY!  Really?

Vanish Firecaster: Yes.

El Firecaster smiles… we really ARE different!

Vanish Firecaster: I’m so glad I found you.

El Firecaster: Now I know why we could not have met earlier! Can you imagine what our poor kids would have been like…they wouldn’t have had a chance!

Vanish Firecaster laughs. Awwww.

El Firecaster laughs

Vanish Firecaster rocks her gently.

El Firecaster smiles softly.  Yes… it feels SO good to be found!

Vanish Firecaster: I’ll never let you go. I know what I found.

El Firecaster: promise?

Vanish Firecaster: I know I’ll never find it again. I won’t let go.

El Firecaster smiles, burying her face in his abdomen, feeling a tear…

El Firecaster: I could not BEAR to be without you, love.

Vanish Firecaster kisses her hair softly.

Vanish Firecaster: We won’t.  I’ll do EVERYTHING in my power to keep you.

El Firecaster nods, kissing his tummy over and over, grabbing his hand and holding it tight against her face.

Vanish Firecaster smiles softly…caresses her cheek.

El Firecaster looks up at him, a tear falling down her cheek.

El Firecaster: you mean everything to me, ***.

 [2010/03/01 2:59]  Vanish Firecaster: So do you, love.

I pray when your eyes see the first light of day, that you will be refreshed, love…. that things will look different.  May your day flow with ease….and when you are done…come to me…..and we will slip away…to far away places….futures to come and times past, once again becoming the creatures we were created to be….

Forever yours….D